1.    When you’re relaxed, it’s easier to see new options, discover new allies or resources.
2.    When you’re away from home, trying new things, meeting new people, your perspective broadens.

3.    When you’re away from irritating people at work, it’s easier to have compassion for them.  Nothing facilitates creativity and wisdom about how to deal with irritating people better than compassion.

4.    Vacation offers time to try new spiritual practices and turn them into new habits.

5.    As stress melts on vacation, it’s easier to see more clearly what matters to you and what doesn’t.  This sets the stage for visions and plans that support your values.

6.    Vacations can help you see more clearly the wonder and beauty of the universe.

7.    Vacations help you remember how essential laughter and play are to your entire body, mind and spirit.

Vacations Can Be a Great Catalyst for New Work Visions

It’s as if, while on vacation, you turn off your inner radio station that won’t shut up with the negative self-talk. Instead, you’re more receptive to the quieter, more profound messages from your heart and soul.

While walking up Ben Lomond in Scotland many years ago, I thought of my plans to apply for graduate school in urban planning when I returned.  Halfway up the hill, a quiet, inner voice said, “you know you’d rather study bioenergetics and other human potential disciplines.”  Immediately, I felt the truth of that thought throughout my body — though I had never consciously considered this path. Thankfully, it has led to my true life’s work, which now focuses on the full integration of spirit, body, and mind in life and in work and business.

Vacation Rituals and Prayers Can Have a Long-term Effect

Many people have told me that they do simple rituals like this one:  carry or pick up two stones or shells as you wander into the woods or on a beach.  Into one stone imagine putting all your frustrations about work.  When you feel empty and free enough to enjoy your vacation, leave the stone in the woods, or toss it into the sea with a prayer that you can always stay free of tension or worry, or whatever else you wish to release.

Into the other stone, imagine putting the essence of all the goodness you find on vacation … the joy of just lying in the grass perhaps, and watching the clouds shift, new perspectives and ideas, or the fun of trying something new.

I love to meditate on vacation with the question:  “what wisdom and insights can I bring from vacation to my everyday life?”

I particularly love this simple affirmative prayer:  Here in this relaxed setting, I easily see how my work and life can be more relaxed.  I gratefully welcome new ideas and visions for my work and life.

How can vacation mind help transform your workday reality?

As always, feel free to comment below.

Many blessings, Pat McHenry Sullivan

St. John of the Cross called times like this “the dark night of the soul.”  However the challenge manifests, there’s a sense that you’re at the end of your road.  Whatever spiritual practices worked in the past don’t work now.  Just when you need clear guidance, you’re more clueless than you may dare to admit.

That, as St. John wrote, is as it should be.  Sometimes, the only way to deal with pain is to stop trying to understand it, and simply experience it.  It’s as if we’ve taken all our spiritual wisdom to its edge, and the only way to find our next step is to go past all we think we know, into the darkness of unknowing.  Only then can we see the faint light in our own heart, guiding us to whatever wisdom we need next.

The Dark Night of the Soul Is Rich

Viktor Frankl, author of Man’s Search for Meaning, showed us how even in the midst of great suffering (for him, it was Auschwitz and the loss of most of his family to concentration camps), we can choose how we deal with circumstances.  By finding our own meaning, we become empowered and courageous.

Yet there is a limit to what we can individually do, no matter now courageous or inspired we are.  We don’t create all our own reality, and sometimes the most effective thing we can do is to stop trying to “reframe” what is, and simply be present to ultimate reality, to the eternal presence, to consciousness itself.

Such a stance requires humility, receptivity and letting go the ego’s focus on itself, including our particular dramas of the moment.  That’s not easy.

A Personal Experience of the Dark Night of the Soul

My life’s work coalesced in the early 1990′s, when my husband John was frequently out of work.  Just to pay the bills I took a legal secretarial job (which paid more than more interesting paralegal work) in a corporate law firm. Shortly after, the first of three relatives became mortally ill back east.  Our cat also became ill, requiring expensive veterinary care and frequent injections of fluids under his skin.

Often, I tried to give John a vision for how he could solve his vocational problems, so I wouldn’t have to do so much overtime to pay for all those trips back east. That our marriage survived is due to friends who could confront as well as support, to John’s basic goodness, and to the strength of the vows we had taken.

Finally, I began practicing what I had learned in graduate school under theologian Matthew Fox.  Matt often quoted Meister Elkhart’s statement that God is Isness.  That same statement has been used by Zen masters and others, recognizing God as ultimate reality, or constant presence.  Truly, in the vernacular, “it is what it is.”

Matt often defined the spiritual journey as a constant interplay of the wonder and joy of the Via Positiva and the need to let go and let be in the darkness, suffering and silence of the Via Negativa.  Out of this interplay of the positive and negative come the Via Creativa (self explanatory!) and the Via Transformativa, or compassion, interconnection, and justice-making.

Inspired by these and other teachings, I prayed to apply them in my job.  Over time I discovered that this huge law firm was filled with kindred spirits. I also discovered the soul of law, along with my call to serve that soul.  When John found a job as research director of a spirit and work resource guide, I was ready to see clearly my true place in life.

Much as We Try to Avoid It, We All Need to Go Through Many Dark Nights of the Soul

As a culture, we create a lot of pain by trying to avoid it.  Sometimes, painful things just have to be faced for what they are, not “reframed” into something seemingly more positive, or medicated away.  Instead of blaming ourselves or others because something we deem bad has happened, sometimes it’s more important to accept both how much and how little we can control things like the economy.

Here’s my dream:  instead of pressuring ourselves or our leaders to come up with a quick solution to problems, we support each other to be more prayerful and reflective. Instead of individually and collectively maintaining a desperation to know it all, we help each other through the humble frustration of knowing that right now, we’re not clear about the best path towards ending war, creating jobs, or anything else. Then into that field of unknowing, we plant our most powerful and true desire to see clearly what’s best.

Hopefully, this is just the beginning of a larger discussion.  I pray you join me in your own reflections about the dark night of the soul and how it applies to your life, work and financial dealings. Hopefully, we can then help each other go through those scary times when being clueless is absolutely the right way to be.  Only then can we come through to new vision.

As always, many blessings,

Pat McHenry Sullivan

A Wharton School of Business that finds “tightwads” and “spendthrifts” tend to attract one another, even though they both consciously felt they’d be more comfortable with mates of similar spending habits.   So much for the limited power of the conscious mind!

The subconscious, which is where all behavior comes from, is much more powerful than the conscious mind.  This can be really great news, if you know how to work it.

There is a positive intent behind all financial and other human behavior, no matter how distorted/crazy/stupid/”evil” it may see at present.

Money can be a coping mechanism, a valiant attempt to feel soothed or powerful or in control.  Thus, tightwads are simply trying to feel secure and be prepared for the future. Overspenders are trying to feel safe and happy in the present. They may feel denied if they can’t have what they want when they want it. 

Both dynamics have their place and can be tempered with balance. Many tightwads really do want to loosen up and be a bit freer in their spending, and many spendthrifts really do want to rein in their spending.  So both these polar opposites are actually seeking balance.  Beneath their distortions are some powerful gifts:  the potential for fiscal responsibility over the long haul and the ability to be caring and joyous right here, right now.

We learned many of money behaviors from our parents.

As a gross generality, we tend to model the behavior of our same-gender parent, and to attract traits of our opposite-gender parent in our mate.  As long as those behaviors remain unconscious, they can drive behavior in ways that do not support either partner.

For example, a woman’s compulsion to over-spend on clothing may have little to do with the desire for clothing but more so with childhood habits. Perhaps she saw her mother use shopping as a coping mechanism, and she learned that when life presents stress, shop and you will feel better about yourself. Her mate’s refusal to spend much on himself or others may make him feel like a good provider like his father was.

On the other hand, we may also have taken on financial behaviors that defy our parents or other powerful authority figures.  Example:  the daughter of a very miserly, well-paid professional man was horrified by watching her mother “steal” from her dad’s pants pockets to have enough money to feed the family.  She vowed: “I’ll never depend on a man for money” She became a hoarder, and could not share abundance with others, or herself.

Healthy people learn how to let their own vision and values — not unconscious habits — guide their financial decisions.

The gap between overspenders and oversavers can be bridged through vigilance and a commitment to harmonious money management.  You can’t help how you were “trained” to deal with money, but you certainly can effect positive change in this department.

Here’s how:

• Acknowledge the habits you picked up from your primary caregivers and how those habits now interfere with your best life;
• Acknowledge your and your partner’s rights to feel safe and comfortable, whether or not money is part of your safety and comfort equation, and agree to help each other have the safety and comfort you desire;
• Create a new vision of what you really want from life and how money might support this vision, not be the vision itself;
• Chart a course together to achieve a more central plot on the continuum for fiscal responsibility, so that (1) both partners feel safe and comfortable – - not just financially but in every aspect of life, and (2) you create a financial reality that serves you both well.

Financial mission — a cure for “money disorders”

I work with my patients to create a mission for their life’s work…..focusing on their callings, their purpose, the spiritual essence of their work.  I help them move from a position of fear, rebellion, scarcity or other limiting belief into a state of grounded trust in the goodness of life and their potential to have enough money for their true desires.

Perhaps you are familiar with the expression “dirty money” (or have seen the popular TV show by that name). I help couples focus on making “clean money,” no matter how little or much they earn.  Clean money, as opposed to “dirty money” is made honestly and in a way that has integrity to you and is earned in a manner that makes you proud.

Whatever we focus on will expand, so focus on an authentic, purposeful, integrity-filled, spirituality of money.  Discover what each of those qualities means to you, and experience how it feels when you actually create your money in an authentic, purposeful, integrity-filled and spiritual way. This practice will not only help you attract more money, but it will also help you enjoy it more and use it better.

Best of Wealth and Health!

Dr. Nancy

Doctor of psychology and clinical hypnotist, Dr. Nancy Irwin is in private practice in Los Angeles. She is also a speaker and the author of YOU-TURN: CHANGING DIRECTION IN MIDLIFE (2008, Amazon.com), a collection of “over 40 stories of people over 40” who made amazing transformations. Dr. Nancy has appeared on numerous radio and TV shows, including CNBC, The Greg Behrendt Show, The Rachel Maddow Show, to name a few, and has been quoted in the Huffington Post, the The New York Times, Cosmopolitan, and more. She is a member of the California Psychological Association and sits on the Education Committee of the California Coalition on Sexual Offending. www.drnancyirwin.com.

Have you ever dreamed of flourishing financially, no matter what happens in the economy?

Does it matter that you flourish with integrity in all its meanings–whole, honest, naturally ethical, true to your own values and in harmony with the rest of the world?

Do you want to meet all financial challenges–from emergencies to long-range planning–with wisdom, not panic?

If these questions speak to you, then I invite you to join a 30-day money challenge:

• Every day for 30 days, set aside 10-30 minutes to discover how you can earn, save, invest and share your money with more integrity, purpose and joy.
• Every day, act more from your deepest guidance about money.
• Every day, take small steps to anchor your personal economy in money sanity, money harmony, and money consciousness.
• Every day, share a portion of your increase with others in a way that empowers them to create money sanity, harmony and consciousness.

At the end of this challenge, I hope we’ll all have a richer relationship with money, measured in spiritual, emotional and financial terms. I believe that participating in this challenge can support us in creating an economy that works better for all.

This 30-day challenge was birthed during a meditation at the November 2008 meeting of the Spirit and Work Resource Center at Unity of Berkeley in Berkeley, California. A few of us have now begun meditating and/or dialoguing about money every day. I’ve started this blog to share my thoughts about money for 30 days, as often as I can. Sometimes colleagues and friends will add their thoughts.

Your comments are welcome here with some simple caveats: no direct requests for money or a job; no stock tips, specific job leads or network marketing opportunity; and no putting down of another’s thoughts. Do speak from your heart and your own experience.

Feel free to join in the challenge at any time, maybe starting with the oldest post and working your way forward. Take as long as you wish to work with each post, and feel free to bring your friends into the dialogue.

What will happen to this blog after the 30 days? I don’t know yet. But I do know that taking on any challenge is a lot easier and more satisfying when people take it on together. That includes common dialogue, sharing tips or inspiration, and encouraging each other to do the things that we can only do ourselves.

Your action today and every day of this challenge, if you so choose: Spend some time alone, thinking and praying about your relationship to money. In your journal, note your insights and understandings. If you receive guidance, write it down. As you discern what is right for you, follow that guidance until you are clearly called to go in another direction.

Talk with other people who are interested in exploring their relationship to money. And start reading, listening to and watching wise people. Here are some recent words from Bill Moyers:

“[Our] self-correcting faculty, even in the darkest hours, is the best thing we have going for us. That and the knowledge that nothing we face in the months ahead is more than was asked of our parents and grandparents in war and depression.

“This giant of a country is bleeding badly from savage self-inflicted wounds, but what happens next is still our story to write. We can be thankful for that.”

Finally, be sure to bless your money journey every day. Here’s my blessing for this moment:

May everything I do to earn, save, spend or invest money be done for the highest, deepest and broadest good. May I always be grateful for the gifts of learning and growing, even when times are tough.

Come back real soon with your own insights and inspiration,

Pat McHenry Sullivan

p.s. To comment, click on the word “comment” below.