Distorted positive thinking can cost you money, sleep, your job, peace of mind, and maybe your life. It can also be a catalyst or enabler of fraud, waste and abuse on an individual or social scale.

Even the best models of positive thinking, like The Little Engine That Could, can be distorted. Yes, many obstacles can be overcome and dreams can be built when we affirm, “I think I can,” then follow through with action and stay on track. But sometimes, wisdom and integrity call us to accept what we can’t do. Sometimes, our best path is to go off track, even if we don’t yet know the best path to follow next.

However, if you anchor positive thinking in reality, then give it due diligence, you’ve always got the start of something great.

Real Positive Thinking is Grounded in Reality

Thanks to Stephanie West-Allen, JD, a very compassionate lawyer and creative person, I’ve just discovered Bright-sided: How the Relentless Promotion of Positive Thinking Has Undermined America.

How exciting it is that people are now confronting the many distortions about positive thinking! Here are some thoughts after pondering Stephanie’s post about the book:

• It’s positive thinking to affirm that the world is filled with many options and opportunities.
• It’s positive thinking to affirm that in following options and opportunities, we look past what’s already known or customary.
• It’s positive thinking to be guided by the truth and wisdom of our souls, not by fear of fear or by pride, self-will, or a search for the easy way out.
• It’s positive thinking to celebrate a faith that recognizes we can deal with any challenge, including things we really don’t want, like death.
• It’s positive thinking to practice a faith that calls us to use challenges as a stepping stone to meaning, growth, and the capacity for joy.

That’s the kind of positive thinking that allowed Randy Pausch to have a breakthrough life filled with joy and service, both before and after he received a diagnosis of pancreatic cancer.

That’s the kind of positive thinking that has supported all sorts of breakthrough lives and contributions, including Auschwitz survivor and author of Man’s Search for Meaning, Viktor Frankl.  That’s the kind of thinking that guided a group of mostly uneducated market women in Liberia to overthrow the rule of a corrupt government and competing warlords, then initiate new vitality for their country.

And that’s the kind of positive thinking that you can employ any time to make sweet lemonade from the best possibilities and bitterest challenges of life.

Too Much of What Purports To Be Positive Thinking Isn’t Positive, Because It Isn’t Real.

The bliss bunny version presumes that if you think only good thoughts, only good will come to you. This distortion of positive thinking seems to fear even mentioning anything “negative” (seemingly defined as anything unwanted).

Of all the bits in the movie “The Secret” that irk me, none hits my buttons more than the scene where a man is worried about losing his bike, so he locks it to a post and “of course” someone saws off the chain and steals it. Yes, obsessing about what can go wrong can destroy possibilities and sometimes invite what we resist, but too many people take the “only positive thinking” idea way too far. E.g., comments like “we shouldn’t admit our financial deficit because that’s a downer” or a business owner’s statement that planning represents a lack of faith.

The bliss bunny distortion has been around for ages in many forms. In the fifties, when I was a child, it wasn’t nice to talk about racial injustice, religion, anger of any kind (especially the anger of women), or doubts that progress was really as wonderful as it seemed. In fact, all doubts or angers or fears were taboo. We’re still recovering from the fallout from this kind of thinking at home, the workplace, environment, economy, and places of worship.

Having spent many years as a paralegal in employment and business law, I’m steeped in stories of how often the “see no evil, think no evil” mantra leads to either the doing of evil or allowing it to happen.

I can’t count the number of stories I’ve heard from employees who avoided help from abuse or harassment for years because they just kept hoping it would get better. Or people like the church member who had been so pressured to think positively of her pastor that she allowed him to lead her into a contract that eventually cost her to lose her home. Or a man who ignored his doubts that Madoff’s promised returns could be so great, because he trusted the friend who connected him to Madoff.

Due Diligence Plus Hope — a Foundation for Real Positive Thinking

Due diligence in the legal sense means to provide the kind of attentiveness and research that’s necessary for a wise decision. It means to get curious.

Instead of assuming and hoping everything will work out, take the time to clarify what you really want and research what it would take to get there. Face what can go wrong, then take necessary precautions so you can move optimistically and realistically ahead.

“Diligence,” from the Latin “diligentia,” is connected to the word “diligo,” which means to love, value or appreciate. Diligence includes the meanings of care, attentiveness, and regard for.

Due diligence is a great spiritual practice as well as a powerful creative practice. It helps strengthen dreams and visions so they can live in the real world. It supports financial abundance with integrity, purposeful work and loving relationships.

Due diligence at work leads away from fraud, waste or abuse to a workplace filled with compassion and efficiency. In business, due diligence is a foundation for more conscious capitalism and a critical key to socially responsible investing.

You probably already practice some form of due diligence. Before you let your child drive, you take the time to ensure that the child has proper training, proper attitude, and as safe a vehicle as possible. As a host or hostess, before you invite people into your home, you make sure your home is safe and that the food is prepared and served safely.

Due diligence is a perfect partner to hope. Put hope and due diligence together, and we have really positive thinking.

What Are Your Thoughts About Positive Thinking and Due Diligence?

• What’s your definition of real positive thinking? Of due diligence?
• How have you acted with real positive thinking so far and thrived?
• How have you distorted positive thinking into something unreal? What has that cost you?
• What happens when you practice due diligence combined with hope?

As always, many blessings. Please comment below and help others learn from your thoughts and feelings.

Best wishes, Pat McHenry Sullivan

You may never have taken formal, witnessed poverty vows as my husband John did at the age of 19 while he was in a Roman Catholic religious order, but it’s highly likely that you’ve taken some vows of poverty, intentional or otherwise.

Religious poverty vows are prayed over, even blessed. They aren’t a commitment to being homeless, starving or dressing in rags. They are a vow to simplicity, and an everyday willingness not to be attached to money or the things it could buy. The intent is to free members of any concerns about earning, saving or investing money (unless they are taking on financial roles on behalf of the community) so they are free to focus fully on spiritual life.

What a contrast religious vows are to the get-rich quick, greedy or otherwise definitely non-spiritual vows that drive so many novels, movies, and financial strategy! Often such vows lead to spiritual, emotional and/or financial impoverishment, as definitely was the case with many players in the subprime mortgage meltdown and other disasters.

My favorite example is Scarlett O’Hara, the self-centered heroine of Gone with the Wind, who during the Civil War became responsible for the survival of her family, home and even three former slaves, plus her rival and rival’s baby. After learning that the Yankees (or as they say where I grew up, damnyankees) have either destroyed or stolen anything edible except some dried-up turnips, Scarlet raises her fist in the air and pronounces, “As God is my witness, I will never go hungry again . . . not me or any of my kin.”

Now that could be a noble vow, but Scarlett adds the commitment to do whatever she deems necessary, including lie, cheat, steal or kill. Though she does become wealthy, she can’t really enjoy it due to the unintentional spiritual and emotional poverty vows which were a by-product of both conscious and unconscious faults like fear, greed, and spite.

Here’s how Scarlett’s unintentional poverty vows might be expressed: I insist on having what I think I want, no matter who is hurt in the process, including my own heart. I will base my business and spending decisions not just on sound business or financial information, but also on such desires as making others pea-green with envy; keeping myself from realizing how much I really love Rhett, not Ashley; and running from the fears that have caused nightmares since I was a child and a lot of grief ever since.

It’s not easy undoing poverty vows. Undoing poverty vows after years in a committed religious order may require years of learning how to make a living, and perhaps becoming totally re-trained. After all, there aren’t a whole lot of job descriptions calling for people who are adept at contemplation and fluent in Latin or Gregorian chant!

Undoing unintentional poverty vows can be even harder. Therapy and coaching can help uncover them; so can reflection on what’s not working around money in your life and considering, “What might I have been thinking when I developed this unfruitful way of dealing with money?”

Here are some unconscious poverty vows to consider:

• I vow not to learn about money and how to handle it well.
• I base my financial decisions on shame, fear, or ___________.
• I choose to base my financial and business planning on hopes and dreams that I have not carefully considered.
• I choose to trust blindly without giving my financial or business dealings the careful consideration I owe myself and others. (The legal term is “due diligence.”)

What about you? Do any of the above vows sound familiar?

And what’s your true abundance vow when you turn around your poverty vows, either conscious or unintentional, then look into your soul for guidance?

My favorite true abundance vow begins with gratitude for all the gifts I’ve gained from being married to a man who brought his financial challenges and gifts to our marriage. The challenges are nobody’s business but our own, but the gifts include these: Not once have I ever known John to act greedy or mean about money. Instead, his habit of simplicity helps pull me off my high horse and enjoy the moment more. He looks so carefully at any gift that in the process, I see more in the gift. His appreciation is so contagious that I seem to gain more in the giving than he gets in receiving it.

In creating a true abundance vow, I also had to deal with what I’ve learned from my own collection of often-contradictory unintentional poverty vows, like my childhood dreams of wowing everyone who had ever put me down with the huge emerald and flashy sports car I would someday have, mixed with a longtime habit of dreaming big, doing little. And then there are the usual suspects like shame or “I don’t really deserve it.”

Here’s my current true abundance vow. May it inspire you to create your own:

I vow to treat money as an exchange of energy that I use wisely, to the betterment of myself and others. I vow to live simply and richly, basing my financial decisions on a combination of in-the-world research, prayer, and a lot of careful discernment. In this journey of earning and using money more wisely, I give thanks for all the challenges and the beings on this earth who have helped me learn from them.

As always, I hope you enjoy this challenge.

Come back real soon with your thoughts and inspiration,
Pat McHenry Sullivan